This started out as a Jo-related "Things I'm Thankful For" list but then I realized that would be like making a list of your favorite breaths. So many favorite games, treasured familiarities and sweet surprises. So many intimacies and revelations and ordinary miracles. Honestly, there isn't a single moment that doesn't deserve its own kneeling, ground-kissing, reverent "thank you."
So I'll simply say that I'm eternally, completely, passionately thankful for my incredible daughter, every cell and second of her, my monkey, my butternut, my Josephina Rownan.
As most of you know, almost since the day Jo was born, we suspected there was something different about her. Not just that she was super smart, super cute, and extraordinarily awesome (duh), but that she seemed to cry and fuss much more than a typical baby, and that she demanded a higher level of care and engagement than the average baby. We assumed, and were told, that this was colic. We were never totally satisfied with this explanation, though. It explained why she cried so much, but it didn't explain the rest of her behavior: Why was she so hyper? Why did she need constant stimulation? Why did she want to eat so often? Why were her screams so intense? Etc.
It seemed that whenever we weren't baby-wrangling, Tim was on the internet searching for possible answers. (I say Tim because a long time ago he banned me from Google. This is because I would look something up and some website would say something like that "It is probably gas, but it might be A FATAL BRAIN TUMOR" and I would totally freak out. Google is evil.) A couple weeks ago, he found this.
Have you ever taken one of those Kiersey temperament quizzes and read your results and been almost freaked out because it's so scarily accurate? That's what it was like reading about what Dr. Sears calls "High Need" babies. It was like Dr. Sears had been spying on Josephina. So dead-on. Almost every characteristic described her perfectly (I say "almost" because we don't really know yet if she has separation anxiety). It was a relief to know there's a name for this, and that it's strictly behavioral--there is nothing physically wrong with High Needs babies, and they're not mentally impaired in any way. Actually, they're quite smart; possibly too smart for their own good.
It's also a relief to know, according to Dr. Sears (we also bought his book on the subject), that we've been doing all the right things. With High Needs babies, it's important to meet their needs and respect their boundaries and not try to "toughen them up" or try to force them into being typical babies, as the latter doesn't mesh well with their sensitive, highly perceptive personalities, and can teach them that the world is an unpredictable place and their parents aren't dependable. We've listened to our intuition from day one on that--feeding her whenever she wanted to eat, holding her when she needed to be held, not letting her "cry it out" in her crib, etc--and I'm really glad.
The bad news about this is that...well, it's hard. Hard for her, hard for us. Hard to see your precious baby cry so much and know there's nothing you can do to make her happy. Hard to have to be constantly stimulating to keep her calm. Hard to run on so little sleep. Hard not to know when or if she'll improve. Hard to hear about other babies that seem so different from Jo (We hate "Bringing Home Baby" couples with their "Honey, the baby cried for TEN MINUTES STRAIGHT today!" and "She's fussing again and it's only been 3 hours!" As Kevin James would say: "SHUTTY.") . It's not really scary, or sad, or anything horrible, and it's not more than we can handle. It's just hard.
I'm atheist, so I don't believe that Jo was hand-picked by a higher power especially for us or vice versa. But if life did work that way, I do think we would be chosen for her and she for us. No parents could be better for her than we are. We get her. We like her. We love her completely. We do anything she needs and are happy to do it. We're far from perfect, but we're perfect for her. And she strengthens us. Our marriage. Our patience. I'll never regret not spending every minute with her, because she demands that we spend every minute with her. And she's saving us tens of thousands of dollars throughout the years, because we are so not doing this again. (Kidding. Sort of.)
Plus, her high-maintenanceness (totally a word) is a small price to pay for such an incredible kid. I knew from the minute I laid eyes on her that she was special. All children are special, and I know all parents say this, and I know it's an absolutely obnoxious and gag-worthy thing to say but...I truly believe she is marked for greatness. I believe she is just practicing for the Presidency really early. I believe baby Jesus was a High Needs baby. He screamed the cows right out of that barn, trust. Those angels peaced out real quick. That's right, I went there. I just compared my baby to Jesus. And?
Anyway, we're glad to have a definition for Jo's unique behavior, and hopeful that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, we'll continue making the most of every moment--the hard ones and especially the happy ones.
